move me, baby

Big things have been happening in my neck of the woods. BIG, I tell ya!

The boy and I bought a house! We're about to become a household of four cats (four! I tell ya! Serenity and lint brushes now!!) and more 78's and crudely painted animal planters than you can shake a stick at!



Yep...that's said boy caulking over the bullet holes on the old house so that we could put it on the market. We scrubbed and we painted and we cleaned for three days straight until the place looked like one of those heavenly mansions up in the clouds that they talk about.

(All of this so that some bitch realtor could comment that the house needed cleaning. bah! I'd like to backhand that guy with both of my dishpan hands)(first the right and then the left and then the right again)(yes, house buying and selling makes a person super-duper-a-danger-to-be-around tense).

So lately, in between not sleeping....and not sleeping, I have taken a few photos of the old neighborhood and the new neighborhood. Kind of a comparison of the two. We've found to our delight that both hoods are colorful and full of the promise that makes one say, "Hey!! Turn the car around! Did you see THAT??"

First a few shots from the old neighborhood:


Here are a couple of shots out of my old window. The first is of Mr. Kitty so close to two big fat pigeons that he could just eat them up. He made a sound which I determined must have been his attempt to charm them. It was a cross between Carl Malden choking on a biscuit and a squawking duck with it's foot caught in a patch of reeds (hey, it's my blog...I'll go crazy with absurd descriptive comparisons if I want to..).



The second is of Christmas day. Some sort of robbery situation going on across the street.




This one is of my favorite couple. The one that we only refer to as "Unisex". (In fact, every time I go past this shop, I whisper to myself all seductively and like something out of a 1970's perfume commercial, "Unisex!"



I'm not even sure what the true name of this beauty salon is but I love the couple painted on the side of the building with "UNISEX" in bold font next to their heads. I don't know which of the pair I like best - the fella with his perfectly coifed hairdo, musketeer facial hair and creepy eyes devoid of pupils? Or is it her- with the strangest nose and fullest lips that I have ever seen?

Several times, on walks around the neighborhood, the boy has reminded me that it is rumored that they have one of those old drink machines in there - the really cool kind where you can pull a bottled drink right out of the door. We always loiter around for a bit and discreetly peek into the small dark windows, over the dusty Lance snack food rack and sit-under hair dryers and try to decide if we should go in to see for sure but then I always decide that they might get mad if we don't get our hair done....I always picture us bursting out the front door afterwards, striking poses with sunshine bright Orange Crush rings around our mouths and stiff AquaNetted hair while a chorus of voices whispers, "Oooh!! Unisexy!!"

(I'm also wearing light blue, polyester culottes in this dream sequence, but we won't go into that now...)


Here's an action shot of the pitbull that lived next door that kept trying to eat the boy:



Yeah, it's a little blurry...kind of an action shot (understandably). I like the effect that it has though - kind of like a watercolor painting. The pitbull was actually in the boy's yard - not in his own yard. Man, can pitbulls run!


And here is milder wildlife:






A possum. Big one too. Right in the city..with babies on her back! We went to look at a house that we were considering buying and this little family waddled right in front of us and climbed up the fence to the house for sale. Sadly, we had to pass on that particular house as we weren't sure if we would ever get the incense and cigarette smell out of it. Plus, the bathroom was one jacuzzi full of naked, waterlogged 1970's neighbors short of being too much flashback for me. I can match lots of things, and kitsch is good at covering up many evils..but herringbone paneling in the loo is too much for even ME.

(I've never seen a realtor look like she might bite clean through her tongue while searching for nice things to say about a house.)



Next up is a sign that tempts even the healthiest eater:




Mmm! Crunk!


But, just in case you think the NEW neighborhood doesn't have good eats too, check this out:




That's right. Kerosene sandwich: the only thing on bread that I WON'T eat.

(Okay, that vegetarian fake bacon with stamped-on marbelized fat pattern might also make the list...)


There is also a pretty fascinating looking beauty shop in the new stomping ground too. I don't know if you can tell from this photo, but the entire front glass is a painting of a woman with truly the largest hair that I have ever seen and a big bubble exclaiming, "Tonda does it all!"




Jumping Jehosephats! If Tonda and Unisex were to merge, they could take over the planet with all of their enthusiasm and lofty hair!



On that same building, there was some graffiti that I SWEAR that I didn't do:




(seriously, I know that smiley face is pretty darned Kelly-esque and that one starburst sparkle on the letter "p" just smacks of my attempts at artistic greatness...but I really must swear that I didn't paint this..)

And the last shot is from my new street...some sort of tree man who will no doubt make me wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night shrieking and holding an axe in sweaty palms. Not since The Wizard of Oz has any tree creature both fascinated me AND put knots the size of grapefruits in my stomach:





Well, that's it for the tour for now. Though, I am sure that more good stuff will present itself. Why, just this morning, I got an email on the list serv that there is a crude painting on the sidewalk near 14th and people are debating what it is. To some, it's a hand, with the middle finger extended, shooting "a bird"...to others, well....I think they are saying that it is a penis. You KNOW I've just GOT TO go investigate this.


(hey, and my web hits just went up ten-fold with the mention of the word "penis". Viva!)

Take care, ya'll..and keep your fingers crossed for lots of free sturdy cardboard boxes, termite-free termite inspections and neighbors that won't call the fuzz when the boy gets out the musical saw and I croon like a lost yet tone deaf Carter family member.