cat fight!!!!

Looking for a sure-fire way to wake up on time in the morning? Forget alarm clocks or roosters....here's how:

Take one cat who will try to kill any strange cat that she sees (or hears on TV).

Take another cat who is scared of his own shadow (or anyone else's shadow).

Add them together and have them sleep mere inches apart on your legs.

Sounds sweet, right? Wait...

Then add an NPR story with a sound byte of babies crying (with volume at full blast because you can sleep through a hurricane, and you rely on NPR to wake you up in the morning)(though sometimes it only infuses itself into my dreams thus making all of my dreams include suicide bombings).

You can probably guess the rest. That's how I woke up this morning. Cat #1 (AKA "Blackie, The Killer") heard the babies crying on the radio and thought that a whole gang of screeching cats had invaded the bedroom. Cat #2 (AKA "Grandpa Scaredy Cat") was asleep, with no idea that he was about to go two wide into the turn with only one coming out. Cat #1 freaked out, jumped on top of Cat #2 (who had this look on his face that could have only meant, "OH GOD!!WHAT DID I DO?!?!?") and a cat fight ensued - that's right - on top of me. Round and round just like you see in a Looney Tunes cartoon.

THAT'S how I woke up this morning. Fur flying. Scratches. Bloody Hell on eight paws swirling in front of my face like a couple of Whirling Dervishes with their tails on fire.

The whole time that I got ready for work this morning, Cat #1 sat on the bathroom sink with a look that said, "I'd rather kill you than look at you" and Cat #2 hid behind my bed, shaking like he was trying to kick a smack habit. Further along in the chain of events, in the confusion, I wore the same clothes to work that I had on yesterday instead of the clean clothes that I had put out the night before - probably only cementing the fact that the people that I work for think that I live in my car.